it’s just not— i don’t get it

i’m tired of trying

to be loved or loved right or needed

above all else. o, i am beautiful & desperate

for anyone.

somewhere a shower of praise is waiting

for me

to step into it, wet myself.

here i’m waiting

for a little push start

gas to fill the tank, take me

where i want

to go or at least where i’ll settle

a moment a minute a day or

two. i barely tanned this summer

my brown eyes are still waiting for something

to make them shine. o sun, please stay

i’m not ready

to let you go i need you

to stretch out just a little longer.

there’s a dream i dream often

of being seen how i want

to be seen by who i want to see me.

are we sure i’m awake?

i’m ready to wake up now

in the bed of someone i love or

once loved or don’t know how to stop

loving. to stop loving i think first

i have to find a suitable replacement but

my revolving door of boys got stuck

w me in it & them watching me go

round & round in stupid circles.

if i play cis will you play pretend w me?

if i pretend i know the difference between love & obsession will you fall w me?